Seniors work hard to keep their marriages alive and well, even after one spouse falls ill and goes into a long-term care facility, according to a new study from the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada.
Researcher Robin Stadnyk was surprised to discover that community-dwelling spouses were heavily involved in the lives of their institutionalized partners, and that many of the couples stayed active together both inside and outside the nursing home.
Stadnyk, a post-doctoral researcher in the University of Alberta's Department of Human Ecology, reviewed data from a qualitative study of 52 community-dwelling spouses in three Canadian provinces: Alberta, Manitoba and Nova Scotia, for her PhD research. She found that the participants were heavily involved in their spouses' lives, not only through caretaking duties like doing laundry and helping with personal hygiene, but also through nurturing activities that brought them closer together.
"Most participants described close relationships with their spouses before the placement in a long-term care home. They simply found ways they could continue that closeness within the institutional walls," Stadnyk noted. Marriage-sustaining activities included watching TV together, studying travel brochures and reviewing diaries to relive old memories, even taking painting lessons together.
Some spouses also brought their partners home for regular weekly and even daily visits. One 82-year-old man in the study took weight-training so he could lift his wife in and out of the car for the weekly trip home.
"The findings defy the common assumption that the partnership of marriage effectively ends when one spouse enters a care facility," Stadnyk said.
Even husbands and wives whose partners had dementia continued to nurture their marriages, shifting from roles as give-and take-partners to benevolent caretakers. They made sure favourite treats were available for their spouses, and that they were able to attend special events. "Many related these activities to their wedding vows, ‘In sickness and in health, for better or for worse'," Stadnyk said.
The results were published recently in the journal Topics in Geriatric Rehabilitation.
Spouses with institutionalized partners also found ways to cope with their new solitude, described by one participant as ‘limbo', by finding ‘safe' activities such as family or church outings and limiting their interactions to same-sex social groups.
Stadnyk suggests that rehabilitation workers help couples continue to find ways to connect when one spouse is in a nursing home. Quiet, private spaces are needed so couples can share quality time. Improvements to policies to respect the private lives of residents are also needed, Stadnyk said. Private accommodations, rather than shared rooms, are often desired by couples and are increasingly being offered in newer facilities. But even simple changes such as knocking on a resident's door before entering are appreciated by spouses, Stadnyk said. A secure place for personal items like diaries would also allow couples to keep special possessions private. "One nursing home even allowed a couple to keep a refrigerator in the resident's room, which made it easy for the couple to share snacks."
Practitioners can also help couples find things to do together, and encourage the well spouses to find activities on their own to sustain their identities.
Journal
Topics in Geriatric Rehabilitation