Priming for planned sex increases desire, frequency in parents with young children, York study finds

TORONTO, Dec. 1 2025 — Between the lack of sleep and free time, physical, hormonal and relationship changes, and juggling work and other life commitments, many couples find their sex lives take a hit in the transition to parenthood. Continuing through the early years of child rearing, this can have a negative impact on the overall relationship. While spontaneous sex is put on a pedestal in Western society, a new study led by researchers at York University’s Faculty of Health found that encouraging couples with young children to plan sex led to increased desire and frequency.  

“From previous research we know that most people idealize spontaneous sex, but that doesn’t necessarily correlate with actual sexual satisfaction,” says lead author and York PhD Candidate Katarina Kovacevic, a registered psychotherapist whose clinical and research focus is on romantic relationships and sexual issues. “For this study, we wanted to see if we could shift people's beliefs about planning sex so they could see the benefits, which they did.”

For the paper, “Can Shifting Beliefs About Planned Sex Lead to Engaging in More Frequent Sex and Higher Desire and Satisfaction? An Experimental Study of Parents with Young Children,” published in The Journal of Sex Research, Kovacevic worked closely with York University Psychology Professor Amy Muise, also director of the Sexual Health and Relationship Laboratory at York.

The researchers recruited more than 500 participating individuals from Canada, the U.S., U.K., Australia and New Zealand, whose youngest child was five years old or younger. The study was open to all gender and sexual orientations.

All participants were surveyed on their pre-existing notions of planned versus spontaneous sex and were then divided into two groups. One was given a research summary highlighting the importance of planned sex and were encouraged to plan sex with their partner in the next two weeks. The other group was given literature saying that researchers were not sure whether planned or spontaneous sex was more satisfying and were instructed to have sex as they normally would with their partner.

“At the two-week followup, people in the experimental group reported having more planned sex than the control group and more sex overall,” says Muise. “The difference between groups meant that planning sex could translate into at least one more      sexual experience a month for a couple, which can be meaningful.”

Planning also had other benefits. The researchers found, for participants who had reported at least one sexual encounter in the two-week period, that the planners felt less obligated to have sex compared to the control group.

“In the manipulation, we emphasized that planning sex needs to be a conversation with your partner, we emphasized consent, so that could perhaps explain that finding,” says Kovacevic.

The researchers say that while parents with younger children are at an especially vulnerable stage in their sex lives and relationship overall, they believe planning could be beneficial to many couples.  

“This could apply fairly broadly — for example to people who are busy in general, to people who have health and mobility issues who have times when they feel better and worse,” says Kovacevic. “Planned sex could be a tool for anyone looking to connect more with their partner.” 

Watch a video about the research here.

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Media Contact:

Emina Gamulin, York University Media Relations, egamulin@yorku.ca